Remember Why You're Here

Woohoo! As I write this, I am crazy sore all over. Darn that Jillian Michaels and her 30 Day Shred DVD! I did the 40 minute workout last night and by minute 25, I was ready to give up. But, that's why I love Jillian. Right when I'm about to lay down and rest, she says, "Don't phone it in! Remember why you're doing this. When it gets tough, remember that." So, I did. And while, I made some modifications (because that woman is crazy), I finished the workout and then ate a healthy dinner (AmyLu chicken burger patty, 1/2 cup of Thai jasmine rice, green beans, and strawberries).

 

And as I was crawling into bed, my whole body aching, I said OUTLOUD the reasons I'm doing this. I started off a little shaky, laying in the dark, talking to myself. But, a few reasons in, my voice got stronger and by the end, I was almost yelling.

 

And, when I woke up, I was ready to face the day, feeling strong and empowered.

 

Which leads to my week two weigh in....

 

I lost 2.4 pounds!

 

Next week, my goal is 3 :)

 

 

A Small Win, But A Win!

I ordered a turkey burger for lunch today. Just the burger, not the combo. But when it came with the fries, I made a decision. Only eat 1/4 of the fries and leave the rest. It's so hard for me to not clean my plate, and french fries are one of those foods we eat mindlessly, even when we're full. But I did it! Here's my finished plate! :) Yay for NSVs!

 

 

Goals

I enjoy goals. Concrete, attainable goals. Nebulous things like "getting healthy" and "losing weight" are tough for me to relate to and unmotivating.

 

So, I made a goal sheet. I thought about adding in pre-selected dates, but I decided that would just make me sad if I didn't hit one of those. And then, it would throw all the others off, and then I would have to change everything - which makes it more likely that I'll quit. This way, I am motivated to reach the next step, but if I don't lose as much as I hope in one week, I can make it up in the next. And the rewards will keep me motivated to get to the next step!

 

Here's my chart. I tracked a few different variables, Body Weight Lost, Goal Weight Lost, and Pounds Lost. I also find it really useful to track moving from one decade/tens place, etc to another, i.e. into the 170s. If you come up with more fun ideas for rewards, let me know!

 

 

 

 

Sabotage

Step one: Get a great workout in.
Step two: Eat like crap afterward, because you feel entitled.

Complete!

Ugh, that's what I do so often. And since diet is so much more of a factor than activity (though activity is important), I totally screw myself up. I need to find a way to combat this destructive behavior.

Any ideas?

Begin.

This is it, here we go.

I'm doing this again. Embarking on a journey. Starting down a path. Getting f**king sick and tired of my facebook photos.

In January 2010, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and put on a C-PAP machine. That was my lowest point emotionally - and my highest weight, at 240. I was SO scared of that future. So, I joined Jenny Craig and by July, I had lost 40 pounds. By October, I was down to 185. Over the next few months, I tried so hard to get below 180, but I couldn't do it. And in 2011, I went off the plan, stopped working out, and totally screwed up.

Since then, I've been pretending it's not as bad as it is. But two weeks ago, I weighed myself and I was back to 220. TWO TWENTY. I can't do this anymore: untagging myself from every picture on facebook, hating everything I put on in the mornings, worrying that everytime I eat pancakes, someone is thinking" God, look at the fat girl put those away!"

I've said it before, but I'm saying it again. I'm done. This is not an easy road. I've been in therapy, I know where my dragons lie. But I want to live my life! I want to fall in love again, and have babies, and go zip lining. I want to never say no to something again because I'm worried how I'll look doing it.

So, this is day one of week two. I lost 1 pound in week one. Which is about 2 pounds less than I hoped for. But, I also tracked less than 2 hours of activity. So, like the picture says...